4/9/2026
Sometimes in life, you have an experience that makes you come to terms with your own humanity. This is what bounds us as mortals, each cursed with the frailty of the human condition.
For me, the biggest and most pressing question in life is how purpose is derived (if at all). Most people, from my general observation, drift through life not concerned with this issue.
In my opinion, though, this is a direct emanation of being content to simply exist. That is, however, a symptom of what I consider to be a 'type-A' person. Type A people do not feel the internal
struggle of being human, and they would prefer that life's biggest mysteries remain under a veil. They are simply far too afraid to actually come to terms with their existence. There are two reasons
for this which I see as most discernible. Reason one is they are simply able to be happy, they do not think deeply enough to see that their skin is literally rotting. They, at the very least, view life
as a temporary experience to be valued for no other reason than it feels good at times. Either that or they subscribe to an unproven theory on life which allows them to feel secure in their cosmic existence.
Then there is the 'type-B' person. These people feel completely and utterly trapped as a human, and stray farther and farther from the typical human psyche. The only option you have as a type-B person, at least so far from my experience living as a human, is to create your own purpose. This often fails when oneself loses their sense of self and ego.
Anyways, went to a farm today [pic related]
3/29/2026
Was having a dissertation with a close friend recently and I heard something that made me rethink a lot of the choices I make in my life.
Within the topic of having utterly zero fucks left to give, and not being effected by the condition of your environment
What you think may not effect you, is actually cutting deep into your soul. Deeper than your conscious mind is able to render. Maybe that's obvious to some but it's definitely something I needed to hear...
Hiked to a fire tower today. wow. really pretty. gyatt damn :fire: :100: cuh
3/19/2026
Today I went to my friends family horse farm!!!! it was so much fun. Lately i've been trying to get out in nature as much as possible.
It helps me ground myself and it is the BEST place to have deep conversations. I love being out in the country, there is less light pollution
so you can really see the stars. The farm itself is also a very sentimental location to my friend Jace who I went with, as his family is extremely connected with the area.
The farm itself sits on a plot of land just outside Todd, NC in a quaint, cool valley. On the plot of land sits several structures, many of which are now defunct. Of these structures
(several houses, barns, grain silos) I found out an interesting fact about each. Such as how members of my friends family were born in these houses, and shuffled from place to place.
One of the houses that stood out to me, I found out his aunt was actually born in the house and it has now sat rotting for many years. It had actually survived multiple floods,
in fact the entire area was just recently 15 feet underwater due to hurrican helene (among previous flooding). The horses on the property have a good size area to roam around in,
and they were SUUPER sweet :p
3/13/2026
Today was a great day, I was in Washington DC for the first time of my life! I went with one of my close friends who I have known since middle school, and it made me fall in love with DC!
We arrived late yesterday, and since nothing was open we just got some food (tried sweetgreen for the first time, 8.5/10 slop bowl) and explored a bit. We walked to Georgetown and surprisingly
there were lots of people outside! One of my goals for this trip was to try to get more social interaction and to be a bit less socially awkward, and I would say that goal was accomplished. Going
with someone who is extremely good at talking to random people was extremely beneficial for me since I have always kind of been shut in mentally and I am trying to open up more. Anyways, after the first
night of exploring we awoke bright and early this morning and did everything we possibly could in the one day we had. We went to like 6 or 7 museums (LOL) but by FAR my favorite was the national art gallery.
I already LOVE art, making it, looking at it, really anything to do with it but this gallery was truly something special. I could have spent DAYS in here if I had the time, but unfortunately we were a tad bit
rushed (by our time constraints, plus my friend getting a bit bored because of how long I was taking lol). Other than that, honestly the other museums were not extremely notable. They were definitely cool but
not something that I would be pressed to go back to. There are definitely more cool museums that I didn't have the chance to go to but yeah. After the museums started winding down, we walked all around pretty
much just speed running all the monuments so I could atleast say that i've seen it (capitol building, lincoln memorial, washington monument...etc) however I did not actually see the white house (honestly just
gives me and excuse to come back to DC at some point) Then we walked back to Georgetown where we got some dinner, went into a couple shops and started headed back. There are a few things that I didn't mention
but thats the gist of it, and I must have walked 60k steps today. Overall what a great day and heres to 2026 being a year of growth, refinement, less fear of social interaction and happiness.
